Al The Dog Retired to the Sitting Room After Dinner 

Important Legal Updates

A reversal of fortunes for both Anna Nicole Smith, and Ted Binion's Murders. James McManus covers the murder trial and his run to the final table in the World Series of Poker in Positively 5th Street.

I'm Still Here

In case you were wondering, I haven't given up on the blog. With that, I offer up some classic audio: Bobby Knight

What The Hell Is Going On Here?

If you've bothered to look at the Site Meter over in the right hand corner, then you probably thought, as I did, what the hell is going on here? Those numbers seemed high to me as well since I've only got about 10 friends, half of whom were out-of-town over the weekend. Well, according to the people at the Site Meter, just about over half of those hits are coming from three blogs that linked to my Dec. 25 entry about the fake lawyer. But I'm sure after they read a few entries about Halo 2 and Axis & Allies, they'll be checking back everyday.

Updates

My bro was in town for the weekend and helped me update the Blog. Check out the links on the right hand side of the page. He also installed a web-counter. Enjoy.

Anonymous Lawyer is a Fraud

I had read this before, and with all apologies to Chung is King, this character was really too big of an asshole to be the real deal. I know, I know, it's Fiction, but turns out the author is a fraud or at least not yet a lawyer. His blog wasn't really worthy of reading but all the same it makes for an interesting enough story. However, a book deal should be totally out of the question.

KU #1

KU is #1 in RPI before tonight's victory.

KU

Quality Jayhawk Blog.

Beastles

The problem with the Grey Album is that nobody really likes Jay-Z (ok, at least I don't with the exception 0f 99 Problems), but the Beastles, well the name says it all. Better download this now before Michael Jackson's lawyers squash you.

This Morning

E: I've got good news and bad news, which do you want first?
D: Bad news.
E: Wayne Simien is out 4-6 weeks.
D: What's the good news?!?
E: You're having a baby.

I, of course, already knew that so my response to the good news was somewhat less enthusiastic than the first time I heard it.

Axis & Allies

Perhaps the greatest board game ever made has once again been released as a computer game:

http://www.atari.com/us/games/axis_allies/pc

I recommend video 3. Now who's up for a little multi-player?

No Confidence in Rummy

Republican Senators Hagel, McCain, Lott & Collins are the latest. Looks like Zimm's old buddy Hackworth may have offered up the final nail in the coffin. However, I predict Rummy won't be forced to resign until after elections in Iraq have been held. Maybe this somewhat political post will get the comments going. Please sign comments using at least initials.

Another Classic Voicemail

Ok, it's not law related, but it's a classic Voicemail. Better turn your volume down if you're at work.

The Life I Left Behind

Here are some good links regarding some of the idiocy going on the big law firm world:

Like this voicemail message and this E-Mail and this E-Mail. I know that many of you have seen/heard these items before, but they're classics, and if you haven't, enjoy.

BTK Update

BTK Update

Pig Fear

From the former lead singer of Pig Fear: http://www.maxheinegg.com/

Snitches get Stitches. Holla!

Maybe one of you could get me a copy of this.

Texas Wisdom

One of my jobs which many of you don't know about is that I'm the Editor of
"Ummmmuhummmmmmmmm...on that" which is a collection of utterances from one of my former colleagues. These pearls of Texas Wisdom often defy translation, but as Editor not only do I circulate them, but I also attempt to provide some kind of translation. Here's a couple of classics:

11/?/02: "That question is like asking him if he's the father of his children" Translation: Even if the answer is no, he still has to say yes.

12/02/02: "We're all over that like fur on a weasel." Translation: The matter is progressing.

10/6/04: "Like a hound dog trying to shit a peach stone.” Translation: Trying to extricate himself from the situation he finds himself in is, quite frankly, going to extremely difficult and I expect him to be very vocal in his complaints.

11/19/02: "...you cigarette dicks always coming 'round here complaining 'bout loose pussies..." imparting the wisdom of an old friend who as a police offer patroled a street frequented by hookers. Translation: The problem isn't what you are complaining about it, it's you.

More to follow later.

Strong Bad

New Strong Bad E-Mail. Also, check out Secrets.

Coincidentally, My Head Hurts This Morning Too

Last thing I remember was going to a Christmas Party.

That's My Bro...

Smile for the camera!

This is an entry from my brother: Big bike crash. I'm not sure what happened. I remember leaving for my ride around 3pm. I know I got to the top of the hill on River Road and turned around and had some water. Then I have a few fleeting memories of thinking I would have to buy some new glasses, and that my fork now had an extra 90 degrees of rake, although I'm not sure which direction. The cops are holding my bike for me in New Jersey somewhere. Then I was lifted into an ambulance and asked a bunch of questions I couldn't answer like "what day is it?" and "what time is it?" I think I may have been unconscious for about 30 minutes to an hour before the cops found me. At the hospital they did a CT scan and x-rays, which all look normal, although there was no specialist on duty. I trust the radiologist will get back to me if he sees something later. I have 5 stitches in my chin--"your skin is torn, not cut," the nurse said. Also, a big headache, and I can't make a fist with my right hand, although the x-ray was normal.Well, this weekend's ride is off. I guess I'll be moving ahead with my winter bike upgrades faster than I had planned. I hope it doesn't include a new frame.

December 7th, 1991, A Day Which Will Live In Infamy

I realize I missed the 13th anniversary of this date, but pretend I didn't. Most of you have probably heard this story, but it's a good one. December 7, 1991, I was nearing the end of my term abroad in Japan. While in Japan, I lived with a Japanese host family. They took me into their home, showed me Japan and truly made me a part of their family. On this day, like on many other occassions during my time in Japan, I showed my true colors as an ugly American. By this time, my Japanese was equivalent to that of a 4 to 5 year old Japanese child with a major drinking problem. I have often remarked that it was my Japanese father's hobby to drink me under the table. Dinner usually involved a beer or two, followed by sake and then the night was finished off with scotch after scotch after scotch. It's been said that all hobby's have an ugly side, and on that night my Japanese father's hobby showed it's ugly side.

On the night in question, my Japanese father took me out to dinner and drinks with a friend or colleague of his, honestly if my Japanese was better I would have probably known this man's relationship to my Japanese father, but it wasn't. However, it should be noted that this was the first time I had been out drinking with my Old Man outside of the house. At the bar they were engaged in a conversation that might well have been Greek, I couldn't understand word one. After a few scotches, I decided to turn on the charm. Knowing that this day was in fact the 50th anniversary of the Japanese surprise attack on Pearl Harbor, I decided that a toast was in order. I made my toast. It appeared nobody could understand me. I was impaired by two facts, one, I didn't know the Japanese word for fifty, and two, I didn't the Japanese word for enemies. However, even a four year old using his hands and broken Japanese could eventually convey his meaning, which after five to ten minutes I did. And thus once again I delivered my historic toast, "Fifty Years Ago Enemies, Today Friends." Oh this time they both understood me, but like a child that had conveyed family secrets in the presence of outsiders, I was politely ignored and they immediately returned to their conversation in Greek. It has been remarked that Japanese mores are not easily understood by Gaijin (foreigners), but I still maintain that something was Lost in Translation.

I passed

Props to Erica on this One.

Growing Up Baseball

Buy this Book. The book is a collection of short pieces written by "average baseball fans" about their childhood experiences with baseball. My friend Jason Myers authors an essay in it that involves the board game of Strat-o-Matic baseball. I didn't post it not because I would surely violate some copyright law, but rather because I couldn't figure out how to do it. However, if you e-mail me, I could probably forward my friend's essay if you promised to buy a copy of the book, and assuming Jason doesn't threaten me with a cease and desist letter, he unfortunately, like most of my friends, is a lawyer.

Eugene S. Is Over So Say Sup To Him Everyone

Sup, Eugene? Sorry to hear about you being over. When I plugged your first and last name into www.Googlism.com, that was the exact phrase it kicked out for you. And I actually agree, you are sooooo over. Anyway, sup? Don't feel bad, at least you're over, I got: DW is known to be a liar and plagarizer. Timmy, it's not much better for you: Tim R. is a douche bag just like jon.

Stop Snitching Update

Here's More on the Stop Snitching video.

Slow Week

Last week was a slow week on the mean streets of Baltimore: Murder, Ink.

Glory Days

As my fantasy baseball league, Cynics Anonymous Rotisserie, is set to to enjoy its 10th season (1) a preview of the leading contender for the site of Draft 2005 and, (2) a look back at that magical season of 2001 when the Texas Steers, formerly Missouri Mules, and soon to be Baltimore Bees, brought home the CARP Cup.

This Really Hurts

This Really Hurts

I don't actually have anything to say, but I feel like I owe you people something.

No Respect

The AP Poll came out today and No. 3 Illinois leapfrogged undefeated Kansas to move into the No. 1 position. This is absolute crap. In other news UK down to No. 10 and Maryland down to No. 23. Hate the Maryland.

The Roids

Good Gammons this week on the Balco scandal. Now I'm not one for grand jury leaks, but I can't say I mind this one. One would hope the Owners would use this opportunity to put into place a REAL drug testing policy, but I'm sure they'll ruin it. The Owners and the Players have penchant for fouling simple things up.

Stop Snitching

I'm trying to get my hands on this Video

Killing Pablo

For those of you who read Killing Pablo by the author of Black Hawk Down: or News of a Kidnapping by the author of 100 Years of Solitude, you know that Pablo Escobar and the Extraditables waged a war against the government of Columbia and its citizens in order to avoid extradiction to the US. Apparently their fears were not unfounded: Columbian Bandits to be Extradited. This is sure to fuel additional banditry which will keep me out of Central and South America for the foreseeable future.

Picture of Great Fang somehow deleted from two posts ago. 

BTK

The BTK has been in the news again. And for those of you who haven't heard of the BTK, the killer known as BTK is Wichita's most notorious serial killer, now connected with eight unsolved homicides from 1974 to 1986. BTK stands for "Bind, Torture and Kill," a style of killing he used. The serial killer used the initials in letters he sent to local media.

Growing up in Wichita, and besides being absolutely terrified of the BTK (the first double murder was less than a mile from my boyhood home and the next murder was less than two miles from my home), I was impacted in another terrifying way, my Mother refused to buy any more BTK jeans for me, "The major name brands of kids jeans from the 1950s through the 60s were Billy the Kid "Texans" .... Billy the Kid jeans were featured in 1950s-60s TV shows. Both Jon Provost in "Lassie" and Johnny Crawford in "The Rifleman" wore Billy the Kid Blue Jeans.... During the 1970s, Sears "Toughskins," generally replaced both Farah and BTK as the value leader in durable kids jeans made from blended fibers and having reinforced knees." While I failed to see the connection between the jeans and the serial killer, this cowboy


was doomed to a childhood dressed in plaid:


The horror, the horror.

The Al-Centennial

Well, after about an hour and a half and two downloaded programs I finally figured out how to post pictures to the blog. And no you can't just cut and paste. Sometime in mid-February, we will be celebrating the Al-Centennial. He'll be 100 in dog years. Not bad for a dog who once jumped out of a moving car, was hit by a car, and was also lost in the woods for several days before being found eating out of a horse feeder. Today Al the Dog had oral surgery and his last upper canine was removed. Al suffers from a disease where he has become allergic to the tartar on his teeth, it is called CUPS or Chronic Ulcerative Paradental Stomatitis. Our new dog dentist has recommended a more aggresive treatment (i.e. removing more of his teeth). Total bill: $1,201. Below is a picture of the great fang, sans Al.

Great Fang

Al is doing fine and is looking forward to the Al-Centennial.

Murder, Inc.

Is Baltimore as really as dangerous as portrayed on The Wire? Yup, I think so... Murder, Ink