I'd been in it before, but not like this. Why as little as 10 minutes ago I had plugged the toilet with something that wasn't human. But this was different and the shit was everywhere, literally everywhere. Not the nice baby kind, no this was the black tar variety. Maybe it was the apples and oatmeal cereal she had yesterday. Doesn't matter now. I'm covered in it. Actually, we both are. Everything was going according plan. Erica was out with Anne. I had just finished feeding Ally bananas and rice cereal. Time for a standard by the book number one diaper change. After I place Ally on the changing table, I look down and black death is leaking out of her diaper. Ok, stay calm, you've got a system. One fresh diaper on the table topped with several wipes, remove dirty diaper, apply multiple wipes. Too late it's spread to her outfit and the changing table sheet cover. I attempt to remove her outfit. Bad move, I should have used scissors. The act of removing her outfit with the traditional pull it off over her head left a streak on the changing table, infected myself and wiped the back of Ally's head in black tar crap. Like I said, I'd been in it before, but not like this. By this time Ally is bawling and I'm screaming "Oh sweet Jesus, the smell, the smell, it's on everything. It's on your head. How did this happen?" Walk away from changing table and start running the bath. Yes, yes. I'll do that. It washed right off, but I still see it when I shut my eyes. The horror, the horror.